3-29-08

Stupid happenings in the world...

Certain cities around the world decided to turn the lights off in something called "Earth Hour". The goal was to have a lights out time to promote awareness of global warming. Apparently if you turn off the lights for one hour once a year you make a real dent in carbon emissions. I would like to lend a great idea. Why doesn't everyone who participates in Earth Hour start something called "Hold Your Breath Hour"? Since we exhale carbon dioxide, that contributes to climate change. If we don't breathe for one hour then we are combating climate change.

The second stupid thing going on are buddhists rioting for independence from "you know where". I'm gonna be vague when on this topic because I have a friend in "you know where" and if I say the country then they will censor my blog.

I was under the understanding that buddhists believe in transcending beyond this life's mortal pettiness and try to become one with the universe. So how does complaining about not having independence and rioting in the streets help you achieve oneness with everything. Wouldn't a buddhist see politics and attachments to land as mortal pettiness to this plain of existence?

And they call Christians hypocrites!!!

So if you want to combat global warming I urge you to stop breating for an hour. If you want to achieve spiritual enlightenment then I suggest you go riot in the streets and watch Richard Gere movies.

Thus goes the way of the world...

3-25-08

Time to Explain...

This is a post for everyone whose phone call I haven't returned and for everyone who wonders if I have fallen off the face of the planet.

First I would like to apologize for not keeping in touch. My dissapearance has been intentional. I purposely have been avoiding everyone that I know. I have my reasons for doing this and I hope all of you understand that it's something that I have had to do. I have left a number of people hanging and I do apologize.

Secondly I will explain my plans and reason for leaving. My intention is to move to a town near Pittsburgh to attend another college. At this school I will switch from a Political Science degree to Multimedia Design. A Multimedia Design degree entails digital and audio editing along with web design. I could immediately start my own business or get a job working on special effects for movies or create commercials. The opportunities are limitless for a degree such as this. I am quite computer savy anyway and I own most of the programs that are used. So it fits right up my ally.

Why the change? I will explain. As I have written earlier, my graduation audit has me at 3 classes left to graduate from Fairmont State. So I have checked to see when these classes are offered and to make a long story short I would have to spend at least another year at FSU. So, I contacted this other school and talked with the admissions advisor. I can get my degree from there in the same amount of time as FSU. Next I researched entry level salaries for Political Science majors and Multimedia Designers. Entry level for PS is $22,000 to $27,000 a year. Entry level for MD is $62,000 to $65,000 a year. So my logic is to transfer to a school where I can finish a degree which pays 65 grand a year in the same amount of time that I could finish a degree at FSU for 27 grand a year. That's almost a 40 grand difference in pay. To me that is a no brainer. So I will be moving in June and start my new degree in July.

My reason for leaving is one of personal health. My brother and other friends and family have been trying to get me to leave Fairmont for quite some time. I have been quite stubborn about leaving. The main reason for not leaving has been the farm. Well, we have put the farm up for sale and some one has bought it. So very soon the farm will officially be gone. The sale of the farm is a chapter of my life that needs to be closed. With the farm sold I could stay but I am not. I have been doing pretty good personally as of late. But still no matter how well I do I continue to get blindsided by negative things. They happen too frequent for me to say that it's just life and I should roll with the punches.

Those that know me know that I am a positive person. I tend to be an idealist and an encourager. I like to believe that people are good and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how gloom it seems. The events of the past few years have tainted that outlook for me. I have become quite dark and in many was I feel that I have lost myself and a sense of innocence. I don't like being like this. So I have been hiding myself in my house trying to do everything in my power to overcome these thoughts and feelings. I take a step foreward only to get hit with something and fall two steps back.

I'm tired of feeling like a burden to everyone. I hate knowing that the people that care for me wonder if I will be alright or will I have a breakdown. I want to get back to a place where I can be conserned for others instead of others constantly being conserned for me.

So I made the decision to leave.

I hope you all understand my decision. I continue to ask for your prayers. I would just like to add that I am encouraged and excited about my future. Its been a while since I have seen a light at the end of the tunnel. I smile a bit more.

3-22-08

I am LOST!!!!!

Not lost in a spiritual or metaphysical sense but I am obsessed with the show "Lost" right now.

It all started about a year ago when I was living with a family from church. I had never watched an episode of Lost before. I watched season three while staying with them. It was interesting to say the least. I've been watching season four every week so far and I must say it's pretty good.

Well, my uncle and I discuss every episode after we watch. I find that I am way out in left field when it comes to some of my views as to what is happening on this show. Mainly it is due to never seeing the first two seasons.

This is where my obsession has begun. If I miss an episode, I go to www.abc.com and watch the posted eps the next day. I checked and they have all four season of Lost online to watch. So silly me started watching.

It started Friday afternoon. I watched the pilot. Then I wanted to know why Jack's dead dad was showing up. So I watched another. Then I wanted to know why John Locke could walk so I watched another. Then I wanted to know what's up with Charley's heroine addiction. So I watched another. Sayid rocks so I watched another. Then I checked the time and it was 8am the next day.

Guess what I did last night. I watched more episodes of Lost. I have three episodes left of the first season.

I really should take time to eat and sleep. I really have to quit living by myself.

I've gotten lost in the show Lost...get it!!! LOST!!!! Get it!!!

I really need sleep. I just hope I don't dream about invisible monsters, crazed middle aged french women, the numbers 4,8,15,16,23,42, wild boars or polar bears.

3-20-08

It has been decided...

Through some careful thought I have reached a decision. I have decided to move away.

This has been a difficult decision but one that I feel needs to be done. It's kinda ironic really. When the shooting happened everyone called me crazy for returning to Fairmont. Now everyone is second guessing whether I should leave.

The main point is...I should have never have come here in the first place. My parents should never have come here either.

What about college you say? I have that under control and don't feel at liberty to share details.

For the sake of my sanity and my soul I must leave. This place has become my prison. I feel trapped in a nightmare that has no end. I have memories and regrets that keep me awake at night.

I'm not running away. I'm simply trying to be free.

I have a destination and an agenda. This is something I have carefully thought out. This isn't something I have decided on a whim.

3-17-08

Today is my dad's birthday!!!

I always found it funny that on my dad's birthday people dress up in green and drink.

He would have been 58 today.

3-12-08

Can you believe this crap!!!

For those who read the newspaper or watch the news, the Governor of New York was busted for paying for prostitutes. Ironically he was busted by the same laws he championed when he was attorney general of the state. He is a Democrat so the media has been in full spin mode when it comes to exhonerating him of his crime.

So what has the national media come up with?

His crime is just human nature that can be traced back to prehistoric man!!!

I KID YOU NOT!!!

When a Republican does something like this they are called immoral and a criminal. When a Democrat does it, well, it's human nature.

Don't believe me?

Here's the article that was posted on Yahoo.


A costly date for Spitzer, but not so surprising, scientists say
By Faye Flam

Inquirer Staff Writer

Why would someone as rich and powerful as Eliot Spitzer put his family, his job and his promising future on the line for an alleged $4,000 date with a prostitute?

Is this pathological or inherent in human nature?

Scientists says it's more likely to be the latter. They attribute this kind of behavior to natural promiscuity combined with opportunity - along with a risk-taking personality common to men like Bill Clinton and John F Kennedy. It's what makes them seek office and what makes us want to vote for them.

Psychologist Christopher Ryan, author of "Sex in Prehistory," says the desire for sex with more than one person has always been there - for leaders and followers alike. "The desire is not a function of status or power - it's a question of availability."

What's relatively new to the human race, he said, is the ability to exercise power and the connection between power and sex.

That's because, for most of human existence, there was only so far a man could coerce others when food was essentially free and hard to hoard. And until relatively recently, sex with multiple partners was the norm. "It would have been very unusual 100,000 years ago for a person to have one sexual partner for 30 years," said Ryan in an interview from Barcelona.

We don't know this for sure, because prehistoric sexual behavior doesn't fossilize, but there's much we can infer from studying how people in foraging cultures live today, he said. Such cultures tend to be relatively egalitarian and promiscuous, at least by American standards, he said. But prostitution is rare, as he believes it was for most of our past.

"There would be no need for prostitutes because there would be very few sexually frustrated men," he said.

So in other words, if Spitzer had been born in 40,000 B.C., he would never have gotten into this fix.

While Ryan argues that men and women are both naturally promiscuous and power simply gives men the opportunity to follow that nature, psychiatrist Gabriela Cort takes a more open view of the human male. Alpha males - leaders - are often indeed full of pent-up sexual energy, but they don't always use it to get in trouble, said Cort, author of the upcoming book, "Leading Under Pressure."

"Some alpha males do whatever they want for their own purposes but others can be very loyal." Alpha males often have excess sexual energy, but instead of cheating or visiting high-priced call girls, she said, many channel it into other pursuits. "Some people create things - or do things for the public good."

Temple University psychologist Frank Farley suggests that while we're busy shaking our heads at Spitzer, we could stand to look back at ourselves and question why we vote for men like him. Risk-taking personalities are attracted to the uncertain world of politics, he said, and at the same time voters are attracted to them.

"We want our leaders to show some qualities of innovation," he said. "We want bold men willing to push their ideas."

We don't choose people riddled with anxieties to run our government or our corporations, though such people may act in a thoughtful, conscientious way. We loved John Kennedy for standing up to the Soviets during the Cuban Missile Crisis.

"We don't want shrinking violets in these kinds of roles," Farley said.

Along with that package you get personal risk-taking - the affairs, the dabbling in solicitation and sometimes other crimes. "It's hard to get rid of it in politics," he said.

The other question that left many of us puzzled: Why pay for it when a man like Spitzer could probably get women for free?

"Men such as those in Spitzer's position do not so much pay for women to have sex with them; they pay for women to go away AFTER having sex with them," said evolutionary psychologist David Buss of the University of Texas. "It's one strategy some men use for minimizing the costs, although obviously it did not work for Spitzer."



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Contact staff writer Faye Flam at 215-854-4977 or fflam@phillynews.com.

3-11-08

My grandfather passed away today.

He passed away in his sleep today at 6:40pm. He was resting peacefully and he just stopped breathing.

3-10-08

A spring break that is more break than spring...

This week is my spring break. I was looking foreward to heading somewhere warm and getting away from West Virginia for a while. Sadly I am in South Carolina sitting in a hospital room with my grandfather. Even more sad is that my grandfather has only hours to live.

Since 2004 my grandfather has been fighting a muscle disease. I'm not even going to try to spell it. He's been in and out of the hospital for the past few years and every time he seemingly has been able to bounce back from the brink of death. Well, the miraculous returns have run out. A few days before I came down here my grandfather said he was tired and ready to go. He said he lived a good life.

So I'm sitting in a chair in pallative care. My Uncle Rusty is across the room in another chair and my grandfather is lying in his bed between us. The nurses have him resting comfortably. He isn't suffering. Quite frankly, I don't even think he knows we're here.

I'm tired. I haven't had a good night sleep since I got here. I drove a blizzard on Saturday and got to the hopsital that evening. I've been sleeping in a reclinable chair.

I'm going to try to get some sleep. It's hard though.

3-07-08

Mid Terms!!!

Oy Vey! Has this been a crazy week! I had two exams. One in World Literature and the other in Statistics. I bombed the one in statistics and did really well in World Lit. I'm gonna have to start doing extra credit reports in Statistics now. Yay! More work. In Spanish I had to turn in a composition. I do really well on those. As long as I can sit down and look up words from the dictionary I can usually conjugate the grammar aspect pretty well. So I get good grades on them. I think my homework and composition grades are gonna pull me through this class.

I'm gonna share a Bob epiphany. I've had a real problem the past few months when it comes to any type of spiritual studies. I've tried to keep up with my home group's lessons. It's pretty in depth scripturally and I understand it but it doesn't seem to be what i am looking for. So I've been asking myself, what am I looking for? I do believe I have found it. I've always been a person who thinks outside the box. So right now I've been studying outside the bible. Let me explain...

For most of my life I have read one book for spiritual guidance. That book has been the bible. I grew up in a denomination (even though they don't call themselves a denomination) which prides itself in knowledge of the scriptures. I am blessed to have grown up in such an atmosphere where even at an early age I learned so much about dividing the word of God and understanding the main doctrines of Christianity. I've gotten to a point where I need more than doctrine though. I've gotten to a point where understanding daily biblical living isn't enough. The direction I am going has led me to look beyond biblical scripture to see God. It has led me to ask tougher questions and to revisit old beliefs and theologies. It has also led me to question my faith. It's been pretty darn scary but extremely rewarding.

So what have I been studying? I've been reading a lot of ancient literature that is either older than the bible or written at the same time that the bible was written. I've been comparing and contrasting certain beliefs about creation and human nature from various different cultures. I have been learning about ancient history and how it all plays into the authenticity of biblical scripture. Some people may ask what does the Baghavad Gita have to do with Job? If you ask me I will have an answer. I guess to sum it up in a nutshell, I wanted to do more than just study one book when it comes to the nature of God and the universe. I wanted to suppliment it with the revelation of the nature of the universe with other cultures and religious views. It has brought a more well rounded aspect to my faith.

This exploration has calmed me down. The past few months I've been up and down emotionally and spiritually. I will admit that I've been mean and sometimes spiteful. There have been days where I hated myself because I saw more of Dale in me than I did my parents. Ouch! But life is a journey. We stumble and we fall. I've been fortunate to have friends and family here to help me back up. So in the end as long as you move foreward it makes it all worth while. It's easy to go down the road of spite and vindictiveness. It's not easy to go the road of compassion and forgiveness. That is a lesson one must remember daily and meditate upon. It's easily forgotten. Trust me. I know.

3-1-08

A lot going on...

I went and saw the movie "No Country For Old Men". I was quite disturbed by it. The movie is based on a book which deals with good and evil and how people, whether intentional or unintentional get caught up in violence. I'm simplifying the plot philosophically but that's the gist of it. I struggle with such questions rather frequently. Recently I have tried to put such discussions to the back of my mind but this movie brought them to the front again.

To keep my mind off of such things I have become obsessed with the NFL free agency period. A lot of moves going on out there. My team the Browns have traded away their second and third pics for help at the defensive line. It's a good move because where they would pick in the draft they wouldn't have gotten the talent that they now have by trading for it. Plus you have to break rookies in. Not so with veterans. I'm just unhappy we lost Leigh Bodden. I really liked him and he was a good player.

I'm doing a lot of cleaning today. I've got so much computer gadgets and wires laying around my house looks like a transformer threw up.

Back to cleaning.